THEME SONG: Toxic Crusaders!
Toxic Crusaders!
I had no friends, no girls would hug me
until I got radioactive ugly.
Toxic Crusaders!
I live in a dump 'cause the rent's real low.
Got a little pet, Blobbie, and he loves me so!
Toxic Crusaders!
Now, me and the boys fight against wrong.
Oh, we're hideously deformed!
Hey, I'm sitting on top of the world,
with my mop, tutu, and girl.
Wow!
Toxic Crusaders!
Toxic!
[grunt]
That's exactly what I'll do.
I'll stomp out their precious little shopping plaza just
before the big holiday rush.
[laughter]
Why, boss?
Because, Bonehead, when the materialistic fools realize
that they have no place to shop with the holidays approaching,
it'll send them into a panic, and we'll be able to move
in and sell them this!
BONEHEAD: Wow, a can opener.
It's not a can opener, you idiot!
It just looks like one.
It's actually a personal-size remotely-activated
smog-inducer.
And once each and every household in Tromaville
has one, we'll be able to activate them by remote control
and pollute that disgustingly clean little town
once and for all!
And make a neat little profit.
I don't know, boss.
What if some unknown stranger comes to Tromaville and teams
up with the Toxic Crusaders at the last minute and foils
you plan?
Don't be ridiculous!
That could never happen.
Boy, did we set up this story, or what?
Go ahead, Doc.
It's your move.
No it isn't.
It's your move.
Is not.
-Is too. -Is not.
Is too.
Oh, what's the difference whose move it is?
You're playing against yourself.
Yeah.
Keep it down.
I'm trying to get some shu-- some shut-- shut-- shuteye.
Ah-- [sneeze]
What a beautiful day in Tromaville!
There's no wrong toright, we're young,
we're hideously deformed--
[people shouting]
WOMAN: Good riddance, low life!
MAN: And don't come back!
Goodbye, fellow Earthlings!
You're welcome.
You must be Toxie.
Heard a lot about you.
The name's Mr. Earth.
Mr. Earth?
What kind of a name is that?
Why, it's a superhero's name, of course.
Tried a couple of others.
Dirtman, Ground Guy, World Person, but nope.
Just like the Mr. Earth the best.
Nice doggie.
I've come to join up with you.
So where do I sleep?
Just a second, Mr. Earth.
It's not that simple.
JUNKYARD: yeah.
There are a few rules to joining up with us, you know.
DR. BENDER: First of all, you've got to be hideously deformed.
MAJOR DISASTER: And have a superpower.
You don't have x-ray vision, by and chance?
We could use someone with x-ray aviation.
No, I don't.
Do you have any special powers, Mr. Earth?
Oh, uh-- oh!
I can say the alphabet backwards.
I'm afraid that isn't going to cut it.
So you have no special powers, other than the alphabet,
and you aren't hideously deformed.
But I am strong.
But not super-humanly strong.
But I do have a pretty neat costume.
Oh, it's a nice costume, all right.
But all our costumes were formed by some environmental accident.
And our story has a sort of environmental theme,
and so do all of us.
And you don't.
Tromaville was my last hope.
I've been kicked out of 12 cities
already for superheroing without a license.
That's a serious charge.
What are you talking about?
You don't need a license to superhero in Tromaville.
Forget I said anything.
Well, if you don't need a license,
then there's nothing to stop me.
See you later.
I'm off to save Tromaville.
But Tromaville doesn't need saving!
I'll put a stop to that!
I still don't think this is a very good idea.
I'm telling you, the boss'll be proud of us.
We march in there and defeat the Toxic Crusaders before they
can foil his evil plan.
It'll never work.
BONEHEAD: OK, Toxic Crusaders!
Come on out and get what's coming to ya!
Look, it's Bonehead and Psycho.
I'll take care of them with my mulch gun.
Ah!
Radiation rangers, attack.
Uh-oh.
Radiation rangers.
Get 'em, Mop.
[squeaking]
I got the next one, Toxie.
Ah-- ah-- [sneeze]
Told you this wouldn't work.
BONEHEAD: Let's get out of here.
Gee, what do you suppose that was all about?
I don't know, but I'll bet it has
something to do with some evil plan of Doctor Killemoff.
No more excuses, Mayor Grody!
You must find some way of disposing
of the Toxic Crusaders once and for all!
Um-- but what can I do?
I mean, you're the bad guys, and-- and you can't stop them.
That's not the point!
Yeah.
So what if Dr. Killemoff is no match for the strength
and cunning of the Toxic Crusaders,
and every effort he makes to defeat them and take
over Tromaville and then the world ends in failure
after failure after failure?
Are you through?
I guess so.
Good!
As I was saying.
I'll see what I can do.
Maybe we could pass a law requiring
a license for superheroing, or something like that.
It'll never work.
DR. KILLEMOFF: Psycho!
[crash]
[groan]
(SINGING) I'm off to visit the dumpity-ump,
to see my adorable lumpity-ump!
Oh, his name is Toxie, and he's my boyfriend!
MR. EARTH: That horrible sound!
Someone's in trouble!
Mr. Earth, to the rescue!
I'll save you, lady.
Mr. Earth to the rescue!
[scream]
Harm a poor, defenseless accordion player, will you?
Uh-oh.
Something like this could make Toxie's Tromatons act up.
Oh, no!
My Tromatons are acting up.
Someone's in trouble.
I know.
And we've got to save them.
Exactly!
I hope I don't get hurt!
He's gotta work on that battle cry.
[alarms sounding]
YVONNE: Say, what's the big idea, anyhow?
Uh, gee, lady, I was only trying to--
TOXIE: It's clean-up time!
Yvonne, are you all right?
Of course I'm all right, Toxie.
This Mr. Dork character just ran in here
and started beating up on everything in sight.
That's Mr. Earth.
And I thought youwere in trouble.
You see, I heard this awful sound, and, uh--
Oh, that.
Holy moly!
Look at all the stuff he's wrecked.
Are you gonna be in trouble!
Who is that idiot in that ridiculous costume?
Which one?
All the Toxic Crusaders wear ridiculous costumes.
The new one.
DR. KILLEMOFF: Hm.
He may be just what I need to spell
the end of the Toxic Crusaders!
Oops.
NARRATOR: And now, these messages.
We now return to the Toxic Crusaders.
Having trouble, little old lady?
Why, no. I-- Let me give you a hand.
Hey!
Thanks, sonny!
Glad to be of help.
And the name's Mr. Earth!
[sirens]
What's going on?
Oh, oh-- we-- we're arresting you for robbing the bank,
would you think.
Oh my!
Nothing worse than slow service.
But all I ordered was fries.
DR. KILLEMOFF: What is that idiot doing?
Believe it or not, I think he thinks he's helping.
Bring him to me.
He will help me destroy the Toxic Crusaders.
PSYCHO: Fat chance.
DR. KILLEMOFF: Psycho!
Ouch.
There you go, grandma.
Sorry about you getting arrested.
You should be!
Some superheroes you are.
Well, we've tried to fix up as much of the damage cause
by Mr. Earth as we could.
He's the busiest person I've ever seen.
We've got to find a way to stop him.
The citizens of Tromaville are blaming
us superheroes for not protecting
them from this Mr. Earth.
Tell me about.
The butcher even whacked me on the nose
with a rolled-up newspaper.
Hey, man, the butcher always whacks you
on the nose like that.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
Any luck finding Mr. Earth?
None.
Yvonne and I have looked everywhere.
Yeah.
And I even wrote a song about it.
[groaning]
(SINGING) Oh, we went to look for Mr. Earth,
just Toxie, me, and Blobbie.
But we couldn't find him, no siree!
(SINGING) But they did find Toxie's mommy.
Hi, Toxie's mom.
What are you doing here?
What do you mean, what am I doing here?
You're halfway through the second act
and this is my first appearance.
Some Toxic Crusader show.
Besides, I had to pick up my slacks from the cleaners.
Oy!
I'll help you with that, lady.
OK, Mr. Earth.
Drop those pants.
[unzipping]
Uh-- YVONNE: Jeepers.
No, no. The ones in your hand.
[zipping]
MR. EARTH: Sorry.
Mr. Earth, you've got to stop helping the good citizens
of Tromaville.
Yeah.
Before you kill somebody.
Don't be ridiculous.
It's a superhero's job to help citizens in distress.
Then we're gonna have to stop you.
Yeah.
Hey, wait a minute, Tox-man.
Don't you think we're being just a little unfair.
I mean, we do sort of outnumber the dude.
Yeah.
Headbanger's right.
It isn't very superhero-like.
Did somebody superhero?
Well, well, if it isn't the Toxic Invaders.
That's Crusaders.
Crusaders, Invaders.
Who cares?
The producers?
It's a good thing I bumped into you troublemakers.
I wanted to make sure you weren't
doing no superheroing without the proper documentation.
Oh, no.
Here we go again.
Psst.
Over here.
MAYOR: All superheroes in Tromaville
need to have a license.
Otherwise, you could get into big trouble.
Since when do you need a license to be
a superhero in Tromaville?
Since about five minutes ago.
I just made it up.
Oh, OK, then.
That's different.
TOXIE (VOICEOVER): So there we were, superheroes
who couldn't superhero.
At least, not legally.
And little did we know that, as we stood there, pondering
this new problem, Mr. Earth was about to strike
a deal with the infamous--
Killemoff, Dr. Killemoff.
Nice to meet you, Doctor.
Say, as long as I'm here, I've had this pain
in my neck ever since--
I'm not that kind of a doctor, you fool!
As my associates have explained to you, I have a proposition.
MR. EARTH: You know, Doc, you're absolutely right.
The Toxic Crusaders aren't very good superheroes.
Now you're talking.
And I'd love to teach them a lesson.
Excellent.
But I can't.
Sorry.
What do you mean, you can't?
Well, maybe the Toxic Crusaders were right.
Maybe I'm not a real superhero.
I don't even have a superpower.
Dr. Killemoff?
Who are you?
You called me on the phone.
I'm Larry, the tailor.
You have some jacket you wanted altered.
Be right with you.
LARRY: Right.
What if I could give you a superpower?
Would you be interested then?
Heck, I'd be interested then.
Interested in what?
You know, Bonehead is a good name for you.
You could give me a superpower?
Take off that jacket.
Yes, I can give you the power of invisibility!
Here, put this on.
I'd rather have x-ray vision, but invisibility's
a cool superpower, too.
Why am I wearing this jacket?
What?
What was that, Mr. Earth?
I can't see you, now that you're wearing
the cloak of invisibility.
Say, that's not the cloak of-- Thank you.
That'll be all.
[crash]
Cloak of invisibility.
Cool.
What's he talking about?
This guy ain't invisible.
I can see him plain as day.
As plain as the bone on your face.
All you have to do is to keep the Toxic Crusaders busy
while I destroy-- while I liberate the shopping mall,
and you can keep the coat.
NARRATOR: And now these messages.
We now to the Toxic Crusaders.
NO-ZONE: So what are we gonna do now?
Yeah.
We can't just sit around here and mope all day.
But we can't return to superheroing--
not without a license.
That would be the wrong.
Then what are we sitting here for?
Yeah!
Let's go get that license.
I've always wanted to learn to drive.
Not that kind of license, you idiot!
Ugh!
Why can't you pay attention?
FENDER: What was that, Doc?
I wasn't listening.
[laughter]
This is gonna be great!
That idiot, Mr. Earth, thinks he's invisible,
and has set off to stop the Toxic Crusaders.
That should give us just the time we need to set
our evil scheme into motion.
You did put an evil scheme into motion, didn't you?
Oh, sure, boss.
To the mall!
We've got some shopping to do.
PSYCHO: Until the Toxic Crusaders show up.
[crash]
Sorry, Doc.
I couldn't help myself.
TOXIE (VOICEOVER): While Dr. Killemoff, Psycho, and Bonehead
were busy putting their evil plan into motion,
the Toxic Crusaders and I were waiting
patiently to see Mayor Grody about our superheroing license.
Look, sister, we've been sitting here for three hours.
How much longer 'til we get to see the mayor?
Well, I really couldn't say.
Why not?
Because the mayor went home an hour ago.
Oh boy.
Great.
Now we'll never learn to drive.
Oh, you have got to be the biggest idiot
I've ever been attached to.
Thanks.
Not only that, but we still can't be superheroes.
Don't be so sure, sonny.
Take a look at this!
Uh, two tablespoons sugar, one cup crushed ice,
squirt of lime juice--
Nah, that's my recipe for frozen slushies.
Here.
Read the other side.
Uh-- [mumbling]
Toxic Crusaders, everything's all right!
Let's go!
(SINGING) We're the Toxic Crusaders!
Of that, we're pretty sure.
I know you like to sing that song and all, Yvonne,
but technically, you're not really a Toxic Crusader at all.
Jeepers.
I never really thought about it like that.
Thanks for pointing it out, No-Zone.
Here how's this?
(SINGING) They're the Toxic Crusaders!
Of that, they're pretty sure!
That's better.
Jeez.
Everybody's a critic.
Aha!
I've got you now, Toxic Crusaders.
And with my new invisibility power,
there's no way you can stop me.
Wow!
You've got the power of invisibility?
Cool.
I still say we need someone with x-ray vision.
Well, I don't have x-ray vision.
Like it or not, I'm just invisible.
You're right, Mr. E. We shouldn't
quibble about your superpower.
So, let's see you do it.
Do what?
Come on.
Stop pulling my tail.
Yeah.
Let's see you be invisible.
But I am invisible.
I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility.
You can't see me.
Look, dear.
It's that awful Mr. Dirt.
Yeah.
And look at that hideous sport coat.
It's not a sports coat.
It's a clock of invisibility!
Well, whatever you call it, you should get your money back.
It doesn't even fit you.
Don't take it so hard, Mr. Earth.
Women can be cruel when it comes to fashion accessories.
It's not that.
I came to confront you with the aid of my new superpower,
and now I find it was all a lie.
Say, why'd you want to confront us, anyway?
It wasn't my idea.
Dr. Killemoff asked me to do it.
He said if I did I could keep the jacket.
I don't care what the ladies say.
I like the jacket.
[rumbling]
Say, that sounds like Dr. Killemoff's
radiation helicopters.
Hey, they're headed this way.
Come on, Mr. Earth.
You're a good guy again.
Help us stop the evil Dr. Killemoff and foil his plan.
Toxic Crusaders, to the rescue!
TOXIE: Are you sure this is where Dr. Killemoff
is going to strike, Mr. Earth?
Absolutely.
The Tromaville mall.
See?
Toxic Crusaders?
What are you doing here?
It doesn't matter.
You can't stop us anyway, Toxic Crusaders.
Look!
FENDER: Wow, a giant foot.
A giant foot?
What kind of an evil plan is this?
Oh, gee, Dr. Killemoff.
You said you wanted to stomp out the mall.
I guess we took you too literally, huh, boss?
Well, it's too late not.
I hope you at least have a plan to stop the Toxic Crusaders.
Oh, sure, boss.
We're not totally stupid, you know.
OK, radiation rangers.
Sic 'em.
Radiation Rangers!
And they're headed this way!
That's right.
And we're headed this way.
I think you're barking up the wrong tree.
I think your friends are over there, radiation ranger!
Now it's my turn.
PSYCHO: Uh-oh, boss.
It looks like the Toxic Crusaders
are once again defeating us.
DR. KILLEMOFF: No matter.
Because even if the Toxic Crusaders
pulverize my radiation rangers, our evil plan
is being put into motion.
Toxic Crusaders, look!
That giant foot is about to crush the Tromaville mall!
Don't worry, fellas.
I'll get it.
Ah-- ah-- [sneeze]
TOXIE: It's going to hit!
Leave it to me.
[cheering]
TOXIE: Nice going, Mr. Earth.
How'd you do it?
I told you I was strong.
But not superhumanly strong.
It's Killemoff.
He's responsible for this.
That's Dr. Killemoff, and we can't let him get away.
Hey, fellas.
I've got an idea.
Give me a hand with this foot.
OK.
Swing.
PSYCHO: I hate to say it, boss.
DR. KILLEMOFF: I know.
You told me so.
PSYCHO: Right.
Ouch.
Well, Mr. Earth, I guess everything
turned out OK, after all.
Yeah.
I got to be a Toxic Crusader and beat up on some bad guys.
NO-ZONE: And you get to keep the jacket.
MR. EARTH: Thanks again.
Now I'm off to find my own Tromaville--
and maybe even my own show.
Hello, fellow Earthlings.
[groaning]
Just one thing I'd still like to know, Toxie.
What was on that paper that your mom gave
you back in the mayor's office?
Yeah!
Whatever it was, it kept us from needing superheroing licenses.
It must be a powerful document.
The most powerful-- a note from my mother.
(SINGING) We're the Toxic Crusaders--
Except Yvonne.
(SINGING) The Toxic Crusaders.
NO-ZONE: Except Yvonne.
(SINGING) Of that, we're pretty sure!
[theme music]